Feeling Fat at the Pool

meswimsuitI read a passage a story included in David Foster Wallace’s collection called Brief Interviews with Hideous Men that really spoke to me.  Here is the passage: “This woman above you should not wear a suit as tight as the suit she is wearing. She is as old as your mother, and as big. She is too big and too white. Her suit is full of her. The backs of her thighs are squeezed by the suit and look like cheese. Her legs have abrupt little squiggles of cold blue shattered vein under the white skin, as if something were broken, hurt, in her legs. Her legs look like they hurt to be squeezed, full of curled Arabic lines of cold broken blue. Her legs make you feel like your own legs hurt” (Wallace 9).

I know that I’m not fat by any stretch of the imagination and I don’t have varicose veins, but this boy’s description of the woman describes how I used to feel about myself while wearing a swimsuit. I can recall very distinctly, maybe 7-8 years ago, feeling like anyone who saw me in a swimsuit would cringe at my cellulite, blindingly white skin, and fine white stretch marks.

Regardless of how I actually look, eating healthy food and working out greatly diminishes this impression of myself. As a result, I thought I’d share the passage for anyone else who is motivated by such things. By the time I’m 24, I expect to feel carefree just as carefree as ever while wearing a swimsuit. 🙂

P.S. The picture above is me in Hawaii! It was the most recent swimsuit picture I could find, but I weighed eight pounds more then than I do now.

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